Ditch the top for toe tweed, WEAR STYRE jeans – and NEVER put on brand new rubber boots. This is how you look the part on your land trip

The cut of your jeans, the mere carrying of an umbrella or your choice of luggage can instantly reveal you as a city dweller in the country — from the moment you step out of your car.

Giving away the game is much easier than you think. In my corner of the Cotswolds, not even your dog is free from scrutiny – if he’s wearing a coat, there’s only one acceptable tag. So whenever you’re planning a trip to the country, unless you want it to be blatantly obvious that you’re not a local, follow my simple country-chic rules to avoid ridicule in the country.

THE GREAT COACHING SNObbery

Inappropriate footwear is the best way to stick out like a sore thumb. You must always have sensible shoes in the luggage compartment and, above all, never trainers.

You want to look like you get your fitness fix walking the dogs or exercising horses, not at a gym. Invest in robust leather boots from Blundstone or Penelope Chilvers.

These scarlet or polka dot shin boots may (almost) pass muster on the mean streets of Harrogate or Haslemere, but they’re not fit for purpose in the country proper.

You need knee-high wellies to prevent mud from seeping over the top, and sensible grips to the soles to prevent you from twisting your back like a frantic earplug when you slide.

Don’t worry about the brand – Le Chameau and Aigle are smart, but the most distinguished people are often found in agricultural Dunlops. The worst crime? New, expensive wellies clearly bought to walk through a Daylesford Organic store.

PACK AWAK PUFFER COAT AND BUY A GILET

Although we recommend a cozy Uniqlo layer under your Barbour to keep you warm, the dirty hamster look when a puffer coat deflates in the rain will immediately mark you as a city visitor.

Buy a vest instead.

Perfect for avoiding the onset of hypothermia when visiting unheated country houses and for rushing in and out of the car without having to keep pulling the coat on and off.

Smart Cotswolds women wear By Søren vests made from recycled pure new wool blankets and the men are in Schoffel waistcoats or waistcoats.

SKINNY JEANS – NEVER BLOW

The fashion pages want us dressed in loose-fitting jeans this season, but country folk know there’s nothing worse than acres of wet denim flapping around an ankle.

The skinny leg is superb when tucked into boots and looks nice under a suitably aged Barbour. Stick to classic blue jeans, or try lace-ups.

While stretch leather pants have the advantage of sponging when splashed with mud, they can be a challenging look to pull off. (They’re best paired with a mothholed cashmere sweater for the perfect dressed-down uncomfortable air.)

CHOOSE A WEEKEND BAG OVER A WHEELIE CASE

Just like with the redundant umbrella, your hands will already be full and anyway you’re driving everywhere, so you don’t need a designer top handle full of essentials for the day.

If you must carry a bag, make sure it’s strapped to your body (try Tusting’s Hettie or Barbour’s Isla), and no bigger than absolutely necessary – keys, lipstick, dog treats and poo bags cover all the bases.

When packing for a trip, keep the wheeled suitcase for flights and choose a weekender or duffel in leather, nylon or canvas. Try Bric’s, Rains or Marks & Spencer for good examples of towels – or emulate all the girls in boarding schools across the country and choose a Pliage from Longchamp.

DITCH DESIGNS LOGOS AND THE GIRLIE COLORS

Think stealth wealth, not conspicuous consumption. Don’t turn yourself into a walking billboard advertising a brand by wearing it head to toe, complete with flashy logos and interlocking monograms.

You might think your full Holland Cooper tweed outfit screams country lady, but just choose one well-cut piece – not the entire collection.

Don’t dress like a rainbow – learn to love a color palette of sludge, greige and browns.

You don’t want to scare the horses and there is mud EVERYWHERE. Speaking of which, the only white clothing that should be seen in the country is the priest’s overlay or a wedding dress.

THE MEANING OF HATE

Get ahead, get a hat, goes the old adage, and nowhere is this more true than in the English countryside, where umbrellas are an unnecessary and, frankly, often useless endearment. You only have to try to hold on to a dog leash and an umbrella in the pouring rain while trying to get into the local antique store to realize that they are best kept in town. All you need is a good hat.

For years I relied on my grandfather’s battered old Christys trilby, which I recently replaced with a Rachel Trevor-Morgan felt version for the races and a fleece bobble hat for everyday. You’ll want to rock Supreme beanies or Jacquemus baseball caps.

PS: DO NOT DRESS UP YOUR DOG

Unless your dog is a shaky whippet, retired greyhound or low-slung sausage, country dogs don’t wear coats. (In very muddy or arctic conditions, an Equafleece coat or jumper is almost acceptable.)