DEAR JANE: My best friend wants me to pay $7,000 for her bachelorette party – she demanded I take out a loan when I said I couldn’t afford it
Dear Jane,
My best friend of 14 years is getting married next year and is planning what can only be described as the most luxurious (and expensive!) ceremony imaginable.
I admit, some of the plans puzzled me a little – the woman is talking about renting live swans! – but I did my best to support her through it all as her maid of honor and also, where possible, to be the voice of reason.
But when we sat down to start planning her bachelorette party, all the reasons went out the window.
At first she insisted that we go somewhere hot, so I started looking for places in the US that might be suitable and came up with what I thought was a great list of suggestions.
But no, she said the trip had to take place outside the US because she wanted a “real vacation” and felt her bridesmaids and best friends deserved to go too.
She then told me that she hired a professional bachelorette party planner—for $10,000, I might add—because she wanted all the details to be perfect and didn’t want to “burden” me with them.
Dear Jane, My best friend is demanding that I pay $7,000 for her bachelorette party and told me to take out a loan even though I said I couldn’t afford the trip.
It hurt a little, but I decided that it would take the pressure off me and allow me to relax and just enjoy what was happening. I just sat and waited for the email from the planner to arrive with the details, which it did this week.
Apparently, the bride decided to take a six-day trip first class to Italy, where she wants to stay in two five-star hotels, the total cost of which is $7,000 per person. SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. I almost fainted when I saw this number.
That shock then turned to panic as I desperately tried to do the math in my head and find a way that I could afford it.
However, I eventually realized that no matter how much I saved and saved, I simply could not spend that kind of money. So I told her that as much as it broke my heart, I couldn’t join her on the trip.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most pressing questions in her column, Dear Jane, Agonizing Aunt.
Instead of showing sympathy or even sadness, she simply ignored my explanations and advised me to take out a loan. She said that this was a once in a lifetime event for her, that she needed me there, and that if I really cared about her, I would find a way. As if taking out a loan is the easiest thing in the world?
She then told me that unless I wanted to “just take out a loan and do the trip,” she would have to choose someone else to be a bridesmaid.
I think the wedding hype has gone to her head and turned her into some kind of bride – this woman is not the best friend I grew up with.
Any advice on how I can bring her back to Earth?
From,
Maiden of Dishonor
Dear maiden of infamy,
My favorite part of this letter is when your best friend so kindly thought of her bridesmaids and best friends as deserving a break, and then expects them to pay for it. I believe this is the definition of nerve.
I don’t know what kind of circles your best friend moves in, but expecting someone to pay $7,000 for the privilege of a vacation that isn’t even of their choice seems perfectly acceptable.
And her inability to understand that not everyone can afford it, as well as the requirement to take out a loan, makes me wonder if she’s really the kind of woman you want as a best friend?
Throughout our lives, we gather friends, many of whom become best friends, but few of whom stay for long. There’s the first line of a poem by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker that begins, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
Trying to emotionally blackmail your best friend into doing something he says he can’t do doesn’t sound like the actions of a lifelong best friend.
A lifelong best friend will show compassion and perhaps then ease the burden for everyone by changing the event to something smaller and much less expensive.
Expecting you to pay $7,000 to be her maid of honor is too high a price to pay. I’m sorry your best friend is turning into a hell of a bride, but your job is to look out for you, not her, despite what she thinks, and under no circumstances should you even think about taking out a loan.
The most amazing thing about weddings is looking back at the wedding photos ten years later. Often people find that they have lost touch with a huge percentage of their guests, people they thought would be in their lives forever.
I imagine the same could very well be the case with your best friend. Either way, I suspect you’ll be dodging a bullet by not attending the bachelorette party.